XO, Isabel

Transition

My life is in a major transition.  My soul is aching to write about it.  When my life was in need of structure, I turned to writing as my solace.  Unfortunately, there are details that are just too difficult to put into words right now.

I am okay.  I will be okay.  I am strong.  I have courage.

The direction of my blog will change.  This transition will put many things in my life on hold.  A dream of a healthy family is still just a dream.  It is a goal and I am challenged to meet it.  I will learn to write about the difficult things again for the public eye.  I hope that when I begin to, it might reach out to you and feel familiar.  And, that in turn, you can reach out to me and touch my shoulder and tell me that you've been here too.  This familiar and painful place is not the end.  The beginning, instead.

I just want to know that I'm not alone.  And, I know that I'm not.  I never have been.

XO,
Isabel

Self Portrait: Broken Glass

Self Portrait: Broken Glass
Originally uploaded by Isabel....

I want to take the glass and rip things to shred. I have so much energy building up inside of me that I'm trying to find a place to direct it towards. I need to find that place. A healthy place.

I am so shattered and I wish that I could put the pieces back together. It has been a slow shatter, in which pieces of glass fall one little piece at a time. If the glass were a mirror, it would be functionable for many years after the initial crack. The first piece to fall could be used in another room, perhaps. It isn't until another and another falls that the mirror becomes unstable. It distorts so much that you can't even put lipstick on your lips. It breaks so badly, that it becomes dangerous. Pieces of glass could fall on your face or on your hands and leave scars. The scars could have been avoided if you had only tried to glue the pieces back together sooner. Or, better yet, had bought another mirror.

The beautiful thing is that even though the glass is distoring your image, you can still see pieces of it. The past, the present, the future. You can see the bright colors. The colors that are so meaningful to any life.

I'm lucky I can see them. I'm lucky to have survived the broken glass. I am lucky to be who I am. I am lucky to be loved. I am lucky to have loved; no matter how much it cut me.

Saturday

It's Saturday.  It's been an interesting week.  Lately, it seems that I'm always having interesting days, weeks, or months.  There is some good.  Some bad.  Some indifference, too.

My visit back "home" was enlightening, refreshing and well-timed.  I've been trying to get back into the swing of things regarding my creative projects.  I have all of the ideas, I just can't seem to find the motivation to bring them into fruition.

I had a lot of fun last night.  We celebrated one co-worker's departure and another's final days of singlehood.  We had a happy hour, cake, presents and plenty of laughs!

I better get back to editing photos...!

Taking it all in

I am visiting home this week.  I'm in sunny California and my skin is soaking it all in.  It's always a bittersweet visit.  It can be hard to be here, but, it's getting harder to not be here.

Yesterday, I spent the day over at my sister's house...the were having a family get-together.  I got to see my beautiful nieces.  I swam with them for a while.  I very much miss being a part of their lives.  There is another one on the way in October.  It would be terrible if I was not here for that.  So, what am I supposed to do?  How does that get easier?  We'll just have to see, I suppose.

I'll check in again soon.