XO, Isabel

After a hiatus...

I'm back!

Yes, it's true. I've decided to give this blogging thing another try.

First, here's my entire story in a nutshell; I was married, we tried to have a baby, I got poked and prodded, got knocked up a few times, lost them all, got divorced, moved 3,000 miles to be "home" again, met my soul-mate, got engaged, will be married in about 20+ days and am ready to give this "baby" thing another go.

So, on with the show!

Planning a wedding is exhausting. I don't even think mine is that complicated, it's pretty simple. But, there are still so many little details! I thank R for being so patient with me. I've been stressing out just a little bit. And "just a little bit" means that I have tantrums at random times. I am by far NO Bridezilla, but lately? I've actually been agreeing with some of those crazy chicks!

We have a good wedding planner and she's getting me on track and is trying to get me to release control in these last few weeks. I've had difficult with this, but, I'm learning to do it. That's right...I'm learning. I have not perfected this by any means.

Here's where I am with this whole baby-making madness: nowhere! I have Diabetes, so this will be a challenge. I've already started visiting with the doctors and they're making this special plan for me. R and I are actually pretty excited at the idea of having Baby G's. We will hope and pray that we succeed and our wishes are granted.

Stay tuned, I suppose I'll have a lot more to write about as my life starts to put itself back together.

XO,
Isabel

Something new...

There is a lot going on.  I have neglected you,blog.  So, I have plans for you, blog.  I am going to make you better, blog.  You will be different, blog.  You will be FABULOUS.  Well, maybe not fabulous, but you will certainly have my attention.

My life is changing and I should be reflecting what my life is filled with.  Isn't this what you, blog, are supposed to be for anyway?

Yes, I think so.  It's you and me, blog.  Let's do some writing!

Not knowing what to say

I've been wanting to create a post for several weeks now.  For those of you that know me...you know what I've been going through.  I'm feeling free, lonely, hopeful, scared, sad, happy, confused, sure; everything.  I'm feeling it all.  And, one minute, I'm reaching for the phone, the next I'm sitting here crying and the next, I'm taking in deep long breaths and smiling hard.  I'm soaking up this quiet stillness that sorrounds me.  It's all around me, and I'm almost not sure what to do with myself.

I have moved.  We sold the house.  And I moved.  I made the same voyage, only opposite.  3,000 miles gone past.  Now I'm back where I grew up.  I'm back near where I went to elementary school.  I'm back near where I used to play in the park.  The same buildings are here.  Plus, there are oodles more.  Even though it's all familiar.  I'm still lost.  I'm still alone.  And I still feel empty.  Yet hopeful.  It all sounds so crazy, right?  It feels it. 

I ask myself..."What's worse?  The pain (hurt) you felt before?  Or the fear of being alone?"   When I think of the answer, I feel a little bit calm and I can keep moving forward knowing that I've done the right thing.  Someone recently told me, after they received bad news, that they thought of me.  That I had a rough spell for a while.  But, I kept moving forward.  I remained optimistic.  And despite how much hurt I was in, I kept moving.  Forward.  And that because I did keep moving, things fell into place for me.

Maybe I believe that things have fallen into place.  Things aren't yet finished falling, though.  Every day, a piece of something inside of me falls, and it either falls in tears or it falls into place.  It is what it is.  And I'm sure it will pass in time.  I only wish I knew what was in store for me.  I'd like to have something to look forward to.